Why Today’s Parents Are Losing to Toddlers

Discipline Is Leadership, Not Lab-Rat Training

Once upon a time that some of the living remember, the discipline of a child was regarded as a relatively simple, straightforward matter that merited neither mental nor emotional strain. In those days, parents understood that for the most part, the discipline of a child was accomplished by simply meaning what one said and saying exactly what one meant. If, for example, a parent told a child he could not have a candy bar, then it was necessary that the parent stick to her guns and demonstrate to the child that no amount of persuasion or distress would obtain the candy bar. Furthermore, most folks understood, and intuitively so, that the need to deliver consequences—i.e., to punish—could be minimized if a parent acted like a competent leader, spoke like a competent leader, and followed through like a competent leader. In other words, discipline was (and still is!) fundamentally a matter of leadership, not punishment-ship.