From Authority to Feelings: The Paradigm Shift in American Parenting

What happened to child rearing in America between 1965 (the publication of Between Parent and Child, by New York psychologist Haim Ginott) and 1980 (the publication of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk by family counselors Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish) is known as a paradigm shift, defined as a fundamental change in the understandings and procedures that inform a certain practice.    

During those fifteen years, the needle of child rearing swung 180 degrees, such that pre-1965 and post-1980 child rearing have next to nothing in common. Mental health professionals replaced elders as the go-to experts. Biblical principle yielded to psychological theory. The previously adult-centric family became child-centric. The supposed importance of children possessing self-esteem replaced respect for others. Chores were squeezed out of the picture by after-school and weekend activities. Parent-child relationship eclipsed parent authority. Child rearing became “parenting.”

The most dramatic change was that good parenting became defined as properly understanding and responding to the feelings of the child. The new experts told parents that a child’s feelings were a barometer of his psychological health, and that psychological health (which no one has ever figured out how to accurately measure) trumped every other consideration. The new rule became, in effect, “If you say something (communicate an instruction, decision, or position) or do something that causes your child emotional distress, you need to amend what you said or did and keep amending until your child is okay with it.”