As should be widely known by now, I take requests.
“Can you give us some back-to-school tips?” asks Geraldine, mother of three.
Yes, Geraldine, I can, and I even will, the first such tip being…
GET OVER YOUR CHILD. It is my civic responsibility to inform you that your child is not without fault. And yes, your child is capable of “it,” whatever it is. Your child, like all human progeny, is capable of lying, stealing, bullying, disrespecting, vandalism, et cetera. In and of itself, bad behavior doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent. Sometimes, because free will is a wild card, decent people raise indecent people. If a teacher says your child did so-and-so, there’s a 98 percent chance the teacher is 100 percent spot on and even if she’s only 85 percent spot on, which is about as low as it gets, it is important that children see solidarity among the adults who care for them, so support your child’s teacher when she says he isn’t a candidate for sainthood.
MAKE IT CLEAR TO YOUR CHILD THAT DISOBEDIENCE, DISRESPECT, AND ANTI-SOCIAL BEHAVIOR OF ANY SORT AT SCHOOL ARE NOT OPTIONS. Teachers consistently report that their favorite students are not necessarily those who make the best grades, but those who pay attention, obey the rules, and do their best (whatever their “best” may be). Good behavior begins in the home, not at school, and not even the best teacher can discipline a child who comes to school not already respectful of adult authority. Make the rules of proper behavior clear to your child, and when the rules are broken, enforce with a firm, even hand. Research finds that a child’s level of self-control is positively associated with school achievement.
